Letting our children launch in to the world!
Family bonds and connections are a wonderful part of life and a sign of a well-functioning family. But sometimes you can have too much of a good thing.
Within a family, boundaries are important and healthy. Family Enmeshment happens when we have unclear boundaries in our families.
Enmeshment extends beyond having murky boundaries. Enmeshment occurs when parents and caregivers try to actually know and often control their children's feelings and thoughts. While we know it is impossible to control what someone is thinking or feeling, it can become harder for the child to develop a sense of self, regulate their own emotions, and even engage with other family members and friends.
What can enmeshment look like?
Child is discouraged from having any relationships outside the home.
Expectation that all support should stem from inside the family home, not from anyone else.
Lack of privacy between parents and children.
Parents overly confide in their child (topics not suitable for them).
Parents depend on their children for emotional satisfaction.
Overinvolvement in a child's life or activities.
Child experiences guilt if they somehow disappoint parents.
How can enmeshment affect the family members?
Family members do not have other healthy and normal relationships outside of their family members.
Children can experience "failure to launch", which is where a child is ill-prepared or discouraged from leaving the family home and establishing their independence.
Children often do not have the coping skills needed for the discomfort and challenges of the "real world" and are more likely to give up when facing hard things.
There is good news!
The good news is that enmeshment or "failure to launch" can be treated! Through therapy, setting healthy boundaries with family, and distancing ourselves from unhealthy family dynamics, the negative impacts of enmeshment can be healed for both the adults and the children.
The Bible speaks to parents with these words: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) While it may be difficult, we as parents must trust that God will help our child recall the lessons we have taught them as we allow our children to grow and build relationships outside of the home. Trust that the God who knows the number of hairs on their heads has a plan for their lives! (Luke 12:7)
Listen to this week's podcast entitled: Family Enmeshment
Listen as Lindsey Steffen, LMHC, and Gabriella Zelaya, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern, talk about how leaving the nest can be difficult for both parents and children.